Cast
Anutta Wanker - Riccardo Lettieri
Cantget Nopussy - Riccardo Lettieri
Sweet Brown - Riccardo Lettieri
Italk Toofast - Riccardo Lettieri
INT. News room. Night 10:00pm
The news music is playing as a figure of the news reader reading a Nuts magazine appears. He does not recognise the camera for a while. Eventually he throws the Nuts magazine aside, shuffles his papers and begins to deliver the news.
Anutta Wanker
Hi there and welcome to the ten O'clock news, I'm Anutta Wanker. Our main stories, in Hendon in North West London, childhood obesity is at it's highest ever level, however pedophillia is at it's lowest ever level. Our news reporter Cantget Nopussy is in Hendon. So whats the situation?
We cut to the news reporter who is standing outside. He picks his nose and licks the finger before receiving the news in his ear piece.
EXT. Hendon. Day 15:30pm
Cantget Nopussy
Well, basically, the kids are getting fatter and the pedophiles are getting far too picky if you ask me... Back to the studio.
We return to the news room where Anutta Wanker is drinking Fosters before he realises the camera.
INT. News room. Night 10:01pm
Anutta Wanker
Our other top story, there was a massive fire that took place in Africa last night. We were able to interview one of the local residents as she describes her horrifying experience when se first realised that the complex was on fire.
Cut to Sweet Brown as she stands beside a building describing her experience.
EXT. Africa. Morning. 11:34am
Sweet Brown
Well, I woke up to go get me a cold pop, then I thought somebody was barbecuing, I said oh Lord Jesus its a fire! Then I ran out I didn't grab no shoes or nothing Jesus, I ran for my life. Then the smoke got me I got bronchitis... Ain't nobody got time for that!
Cut to the news room where there is an empty chair. Anutta Wanker returns to his seat in a hurry. His shirt buttons have been undone and his hair is all messy.
INT. News room. Night 10:01pm
Anutta Wanker
Let's get the latest sports news now with our sports correspondent Italk Toofast. So what's been happening in the world of sport?
Cut to Italk Toofast as he stands in front of an I love Tottenham poster whilst wearing a Tottenham Hotspur shirt. He speaks incredibly quickly...
INT. Sports room. Night 10:02pm
Italk Toofast
Luis Suarez is a prick, Gareth Bale is awesome, Arsenal are scum, QPR lost again, Man Utd won again, Chelsea, Wigan and Norwich all lost coz they're shit, Bayern Munich thrashed Barcelona and apparently the referee is a wanker, back to you in the studio...
Cut to Anutta Wanker as he is snorting drugs on the news table. He recognises the camera, pushes he drugs away, removes the rolled up five pound note from his nose and ends the news report.
INT. News room. Night 10:03pm
Anutta Wanker
That's all from us, have a lovely evening, take care and goodnight.
He gets up to leave his chair. We realise that he is not wearing any trousers. The news music ends and there is a blackout.
END
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