Monday, 29 April 2013

Final Script for... Nigella Lawson Sketch

Cast

Nigella Lawson - Riccardo Lettieri
Nigella's Guest - Alessandro Lettieri



INT. Nigella's Kitchen - DAY 16:30pm


Nigella walks into shot beside her kitchen worktop. 

Nigella

There's nothing I enjoy more after being stuffed by my main course than to have a creamy dessert afterwards. My favourite treat has to be my very succulent and delicious custard tarts. They are just so scrumptious and easy to make. So first take a bowl and add some sugar.

She adds sugar into a clear glass mixing bowl.

Nigella

This will make your tart so sweet. Then add three eggs.

She poorly cracks three eggs into the bowl, a few egg shells fall into the mixture.

Nigella

Try not to get any of the shells in there, as this will add an unwanted crunch to your tart. Now add some butter.

She puts a large lump of butter into the bowl and looks at the camera whilst saying:

Nigella

I can't believe it's not butter! Now add some flour. 

She mixes flour into the mixture from a height causing clouds of flour to appear on her dress.

Nigella

Now add a generous squirt of golden syrup.

She adds the smallest amount of syrup into the mixture.

Nigella

Now add some milk.

She shakily adds milk into the bowl.

Nigella

Mmmm, it's already beginning to look tasty. Now add some water, and this is just to make the mixture more wet and soft.

She fills a glass full with water from the kitchen tap and adds it to the mixture.

Nigella

Then add a good dollop of sticky honey.

She adds a generous amount of honey and reaches for a wooden spoon.

Nigella

Now, i'm going to use a spoon, but you can always use your hands, that is, if you don't mind getting them dirty.

She rather violently mixes the contents of the bowl with her wooden spoon. 

Nigella

 Now, you don't want the mixture to be too soft or too hard, you want to achieve a mixture, which is the same texture as spunk... Now here's the fun part, you get to lick the spoon.

She closes her eyes whilst seductively licking the mixture from the wooden spoon.

Nigella

Mmmm, delicious. I will save the rest for later. Now you want to transfer the mixture into a baking tray at gas mark nine for twelve hours. Here's some that Tesco made earlier.

She presents a perfectly laid out selection of custard tarts made by Tesco.

Nigella

Mmmm, they look delicious and ready to eat. All that's left to do now, is share them with my guests.

She throws the plate on the kitchen table in front of her guest who seems uninterested, then disgusted with the way the food has been presented to him.  

END.





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