Tuesday, 30 April 2013

Final Script for: A-Team Sketch

cast

Hannibal - Darrel Draper
Face - Riccardo Lettieri
B.A Baracus - Damien Feeney
Murdock - Loucas Mappoura
Voiceover - Riccardo Lettieri
Sweet Brown - Riccardo Lettieri

The sketch begins with the classic A-Team theme tune music in the background of several shots of the team. A voiceover says...

Voiceover

Jailed by a military court for a crime they didn't commit, these men promptly escaped from Brixton prison, now still wanted by the government they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them... maybe you could hire... The A-Team.

Several shots of the cast inform the audience of who is playing who. Once the theme tune ends we are greeted with a shot of the team sitting around a living room table. An intense game of snap is taking place. Sweat is running down B.A Baracus' forehead and everyone is looking focused as Hannibal deals the cards. Eventually two cards of the same number are dealt in a row...

INT. Location Unknown. DAY 13:45pm

Everyone

SNNAAPPP!!!

Face wins the hand. B.A Baracus looks frustrated...

B.A Baracus

I hate this game anyways…


He picks up the newspaper on the table and begins to read.



B.A Baracus

Hey guys, look at this!


He hands the newspaper to Hannibal who reads the first article he sees…

Hannibal (reading from the newspaper) 

Jessie J nipple slip… oh! 

He looks excited by the prospect of seeing Jessie J’s nipple but is disappointed by the picture in the paper…

B.A Baracus

Not that! Page 27!

Hannibal turns to page 27 and reads the article aloud to the group…

Hannibal

Local cat stuck in tree… firemen too busy to help… owner in distress… looks like a job for the A-team… Boys, this looks like a job for the A-team!

The next shot cuts to the group standing around the table. A map is laid out across the table as Hannibal is ready to deliver the plan of action…

Hannibal

Ok boys listen up, due to the budget of the Middlesex University props department, this toy frog that you can get from a Christmas cracker will represent the cat, and this here loo roll tube will represent the tree. Now the cat is stuck in the tree…

He demonstrates by placing the loo roll tube on the map and carefully placing the frog on top of the loo roll tube…

Hannibal

Now, the plan is to get the cat out of the tree… (pause) Any suggestions?

B.A Baracus

I could shoot it out.

Hannibal

No, its too risky!

Face

Maybe we could shake the tree from side to side, then the cat would fall out… like this…

He demonstrates his point by shaking the loo roll tube from sude to side. The toy frog falls out of the loo roll tube…

Hannibal

Yes, that’s so crazy it might just work! Its settled then, the plan is to shake the cat out of the tree… any questions?

Murdock who has looked confused up until this point finally breaks his silence…

Murdock 

Uh, yea… is there any bog roll left? I need a shit…

Utter silence as the rest of the team look at Murdock in amazement! The next shot cuts to the team walking towards the front door to embark on their journey. Before we reach the door, Hannibal searches his pockets, stops walking and has a realisation…

Hannibal

Oh damn it, ive just remembered, the van is in for its MOT today… I'm sorry boys but Jim just couldn't fix it this time... we are gonna have to walk…

Face & B.A Baracus

Walk?!

A cutaway shot of Sweet Brown is inserted here.

EXT. Alleyway in Africa. Day Time Unknown.

Sweet Brown

Ain't nobody got time for that!

Cuts back immediately to the team.

INT. Hallway of house. Day 13:58pm

Hannibal

Yes walk… Now then, Now then...

The team show verbal disapproval as we leave the front door. The next scene cuts to a shot of the team walking down a narrow alleyway in slow motion to “move bitch, get out the way” A cutaway scene that says ’15 minutes later’ is revealed to the audience. After the cutaway scene, the boys are down an alleyway, but there is no sign of any trees. Hannibal is reading the map. Face comes into the shot with a Subway sandwich…

EXT. Loction Unknown. DAY 15:27pm

Face

I can’t believe you got us lost! (he sips on his Subway drink)

Hannibal

It’s around here somewhere…

B.A Baracus comes into the shot carrying a KFC box meal…

B.A Baracus (he is shivering in his vest top)

Hey guys, I’m cold… 

Face

Oh grow a pair of balls you fag…

B.A Baracus leaves the shot…

Hannibal

I don’t get it, the tree should be right here…

Face looks at the map Hannibal is reading from and discovers why they are lost…

Face

This is a map of Middle Earth… we are in Hendon...

A cutaway shot that says ’30 minutes later’ is revealed to the audience. The team have arrived at the tree. By this time it is late and the cat has already been saved…

EXT. Local Garden. DAY 15:58pm

Face

Where’s the cat?

Hannibal 

I dunno?

Murdock

Can we just play some Fifa?

There is a verbal agreement to Murdock’s suggestion. The next shot sees the team sitting on a bed playing Fifa...

INT. Bedroom. EVENING 18:49pm

Murdock

I love it when a plan comes together.

Hannibal

You remember the deal yea, don’t tell anyone that I touched you all up...

Face (to Hannibal)

 You are sick in the head, you know that…

Hannibal

I’m sick in the head? You’re the one that wrote this fucking sketch show…

Face

Fair play!

Murdock

Are we done yet?

Face

Yea, we’re done…

B.A Baracus (in Damien’s normal voice) 

Good, I’m getting tired of doing that stupid voice…

Face (walks towards the camera)

How do you turn this fucking thing off?

He presses stop on the camera and the sketch ends!

END





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